Thursday, September 11, 2008

A Little Help From My Friends

Three posts in one day. I know, a little excessive. I guess since Michael is out of town I am trying to use up my words by writing. Anyway. Ok, so here's the dilemma. I want to figure out how to teach my children to listen. I know this involves long ongoing training and that it is not learned over-night. I also know that they will need periodic re-training. But, I feel that it is getting out of control and my frustration is mounting, which is never good. I want them to learn to listen to authority and do what is asked of them the first time they are asked. I do not feel that I am approaching this lesson the right way. This problem manifests itself in different ways with the kids. Isabella has gotten really bad about arguing. She will argue with us about anything that she doesn't agree with. We will ask her to do it and then if she doesn't want to do it or she doesn't think she should have to do it then she starts arguing in a manner that would make any lawyer proud. I try to say, "this is not up for discussion", but this just results in her getting louder. At this point I get angry and either spank or send her to timeout. But, I do not feel that even with the consequences anything is changing. Micah on the other hand, does not argue, he just doesn't do what I ask if he doesn't want to. I got a note from the teacher asking me to remind Micah that he needs to listen and do what is asked of him the FIRST time. I know boys have a harder time with this (my husband is not a good listener either) but I don't want to excuse it just because he is a boy. And Aria, well, she is pretty manageable now but I would still like for her to learn while she is young as opposed to me backtracking when she is older. So, it's your turn. What do you think? I would appreciate any advice you have to give. If something has worked for you with your children or worked with you when your parents were parenting you, I'd love to know it. Thanks friends!!!


The Craftypigs said...

I'm not sure how to help. I find myself waiting for others to tell you so I can learn too. The ornery side of me would tell you to turn the tables on Isabella. The next few hundred times she asks you to do something for her you present your best case and don't do it. For Colin, I have to threaten to take something away from him. But still, I have this exact problem. He loves to argue AND he's a boy. Drives me crazy. Seems as logical as Isabella is, you could make a day chart with movable points. She starts the day with all of them. But as she argues or refuses to obey, you move one of the points. After the loss of so many she loses her "fill in the blank". You don't tell her you're going to move a point, it just happens. Creating conscious awareness of her behavior sounds like what needs to happen. But it's just an opinion. For Colin, I have to get a verbal response out of him to know he heard me. Such as, "I need a Yes Mam." or "Okay Mommy." etc. Also, whatever you come up with, you have to be die hard about it or it will just come back to bite you later. And, this is nothing but opinion and ideas.

Kim and JD said...

Ya know, I have been trying to think of what to say.... I have dont havemuch. I am struggling with the same issues and to no avail get the same results. Something I used to do with Tyler
(got out of habit)We talked to him and said that when we asked him or told him to do somthing that it needed to be done
If it wasnt done that way, he faced consequences. I have recently started threatening Vinegar in Tylers mouth if he backtalks or argues and have threatened to use Daddy's belt on his bottom if he told me NO, defiantly. Tanner is a WHOLE nother story, timeouts, spankings if well deserved and vinegar in the mouth for potty words or spitting. It seems to be helping wiht him right now. I wish they could just understand that we are trying to help them by teaching to respect all people by being obedient and listening.
I also agree with the taking away of stuff, sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. Boys are totally different, you do sometimes have to make physical contact( like a hand on the shoulder) with them to let them know you are speaking to them and need an answer. Oh, if Tyler starts to argue back,I DO NOT argue back with him. I gave him an answer and continuing to argue back means it is up for discussion. I walk off and ignore him! Good luck honey...Hugs !

Andi and Michael said...

Sounds like we all have the same issue floating around all of our homes. Kids who won't listen. Maybe it is the age. Maybe it is the gender. Maybe we just cut them too much slack in the first place and have consequently put ourselves in this situation to begin with. Who knows. Regardless, it is the biggest frustration to give instruction/talk/etc and to not have your child respond in one way or another. My biggest tactic is taking away the one toy that is the most precious to them at the moment. It is always prefaced by a "if you xyz" then you have earned having "xyz toy" taken away from you for the rest of the day. Sometimes it works. Sometimes not. It is just a constant reminder that you are expected to listen, expected to say yes mam, and expected to do as told. Otherwise, there is a consequence. Just know you are not the only mommy out there with children who choose to not listen. The same children are at my house, too. Love ya!

My Little Blessings