God Speaks

I don't know if any of you have ever witnessed a night terror but they can be one of the scariest things to watch. Both of my older children have had them. It started around the age of 4 for Bella. She would sit up in the bed hysterically crying with her eyes wide open. She would look straight at you but it was as if she could see straight through you. If you talked to her she would talk back, although most of what said you couldn't understand. The whole time she was inconsolable crying. It is so frustrating and scary to watch your child go through this and not me able to do anything. You just have to ride it out until it is over. And they eventually grow out of them. Micah started having them too and they were very much the same as Bella's only he would try to get away by backing himself up against the wall and he would wave his hands around as if he were trying to swat something away from him. The only things that seem to work were when we would pray over them or I would sing Amazing Grace. Sometimes that would calm them down pretty quickly but not always.

Bella hasn't had one in about a year or so. Micah just stopped a couple of months ago. But, the coolest thing happened right before Micah's ended. He had gone over to a friend's house to spend the night one night. the friend's parents are good friends of ours and are very strong Christians. The next night we were putting Micah down to bed and we were talking to him about his "bad dreams". We got out his Bible to do his devotional and I asked him if there was any scripture that he wanted to read. He said, "Yes. Proverbs 2:24." I opened up the Bible and this is what it says, "when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." I stopped and asked him if Trent had read that scripture to him the night before. He said, "I think so." So, Michael called Trent to say thank you for giving us such a great scripture to pray over Micah before he sleeps. Trent told Michael that he had not read that scripture to Micah the night before. That is when we realized that God Himself had given Micah the scripture. We have prayed that scripture several times over him and shortly after that his night terrors stopped.

The other really cool thing about it is that Micah is always talking about how God never speaks to him and how He can't hear God. But, when this happened it was clear that through God's Word he spoke to Micah. It was an amazing experience for all of us.

Thank you God. Thank you for your Word. Thank you that you love us enough to speak to us. Just give us the hearts and ears to hear You. Amen

What A Day

So, yesterday was by far the worst day that we have had with Victoria since she was born.  We went to church and she was just fine until the music was over.  It amazes me that she can sleep with the band playing and people singing and clapping, and then as soon as the sanctuary gets quiet (or somewhat quiet) and the pastor starts to preach she wakes up and starts fussing.  So, I had to leave the sanctuary several times because she would get quiet and then as soon as I would go back in she would wake up again.

After church we went home and she had a hard time napping all day.  We were going to go over to my in-laws house and let the kids swim after church.  She was so fussy that I sent Michael and the kids and I stayed at home with the baby.  I must be honest, initially this was nice, sending Michael and the kids out of the house to do something while I stayed in a quiet home with the baby, but for some reason yesterday it just made me sad.  I wanted so much to be with them swimming and getting sun.

Then last night she started crying at 6:30 and didn't stop until almost 9:00.  And it wasn't just fussing or crying for a little bit and then stopping, it was hard, intense, have to take her clothes off because she is profusely sweating kind of crying.  It is such a helpless and frustrating feeling to have a child who is crying and they can't tell you what is wrong and you can't do anything to help them.  I just held her and spoke to her and let her cry.  The crazy thing was that at around 9:00 it was as though someone flipped a switch and she was asleep.

The other thing that is so frustrating about the whole situationis that I miss the rest of my family.  When the baby gets like that I have to quarentine myself off in my bedroom.  I miss the kids and they miss me.  They have all said in one way or another that they miss me.  Bella has written it in a "Dear Dumb Diary" note, Micah has been real fussy and short-tempered, and Aria has flat out said "no one loves me, everyone loves the baby".  It is hard to watch my sister and my husband taking the kids swimming and having fun with them and I can't do that.

Ok, so I thank whoever said the phrase "The days are long but the years are short".  Man do I cling to that saying on days like yesterday.

And today, I must say, was a MUCH better day.  Thank you God!

1 month old picture

Taken by Sarah Cook of Cookwire Photograhy

1 month old today

I can hardly believe that it has been one month since our sweet Victoria joined our family.  The past four weeks have flown by and it is a sobering reminder that our children grow up so fast.  Sometimes alot faster than we would like...sometimes not fast enough.

She has just moved right in with the family and it is as if she was always here.  The children love her to death.  Bella loves to lay next to her and talk to her.  The fun thing is that Victoria has started talking back, which we all just love.  Aria wants to hold her all the time and thinks that the baby is her personal babydoll.  And Micah loves her head.  He loves to rub it and kiss it.  He says that he loves it because it is so soft.  I agree with him, I love to rub her soft head too.

She is smiling and talking alot more now, although it was around 2 1/2 weeks that she smiled for the first time, even if it was somewhat involentary.  It is so cute now because she is trying to figure out how to make sounds come out of her mouth so she is constantly making faces.

It is these things that make the fussy times more bearable.  As with most babies, she is getting more fussy as we approach 6 weeks old.  She is becoming more alert and with that comes increased fussiness.  It is hard sometimes but we know it is temporary.  This too shall pass and I know I will look back and miss this time.

41 weeks 1 day- Birth Day

Victoria Michelle was born today at 5:43pm.  She weighs 7 pounds 11 ounces and is 19 3/4 inches long.  She is beautiful.  I will write her birth story in the next couple of days.

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day, one of my favorite holiday's of the year. Nine (9) years ago I celebrated my first mother's day by bringing my baby girl home from the hospital. I was so overwhelmed with emotions as the nurses came in and told me that the OB and pediatrician were working on the paperwork and I would be released as soon as everything was done. "WOW, are you serious? Your going to let me leave the hospital with this new little life? Are you sure you know what your doing? Because I am so not sure I know what I am doing!" I was so scared. I was now responsible for this little person and I felt that I needed to know everything but actually knew nothing. Over the days, weeks, months, and even years, my new phrase became "I don't know." "Why is she crying? - I don't know." "Is she hungry?- I don't know." "What do you want me to do? (Michael would ask)- I don't know!" It was so frustrating at times because I thought before having children that I knew so much. I had babysat and nannied for years. I had so much experience with kids I thought I was a pro, but there is something totally different when you bring home a baby that belongs to you that you are responsible for completely.  But, what a blessing that little girl has been to me and our family.  Happy Mother's Day to me!

40 weeks 6 days- Celebrating Birth

Ok, so things are still the same. Contractions, cramping, backaches, but nothing is going anywhere. I know that people think I am crazy that I am still pregnant. Most thought I would deliver before now and since I haven't most people think that I am crazy not to schedule an induction. I know that it is not typical to "choose" to continue to be pregnant when there are so many things I could do to but really I truly believe that when she is ready she will come. There are so many risks to inducing labor including fetal distress with low heart rate, increased chance of c-section, and more painful labor requiring epidural. I know that the end result is the most important, having a healthy baby here, but that may not happen with induction. My doctor is totally fine with waiting so I am waiting too.

As anxious as I am to have her here with me in my arms, I am really ok with waiting. We spend 90% of our lives waiting for something. Once she gets here I will be waiting for her to sleep through the night. Then I will be waiting for her to smile at me. And then roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, etc, etc, etc. I just want to enjoy every moment that I have, and right now I have been a few extra days to enjoy my husband and children.

I have had one last date night with my husband, which was wonderful!!!!

Today went to Micah's soccer game. The weather was perfect and he thought it was great to have everyone there to cheer him on.

Then this afternoon we had a surprise birthday party for Bella. It was great. She was SO surprised. With the baby coming so close to her birthday I wanted so much to reassure her that her birthday will always be special to us. We had all the family over. Michael took her out while we waited for everyone to get here. When he got here we jumped out and surprised her. It was awesome. On the 11th she will be 9 years old. Unbelievable.

Anyway, we are waiting patiently and enjoying each other until we add another. Just keep praying for us.

40 weeks 4 days

We are still here as of 12:30pm. It's ok though. I am resolved and at peace with where I am. I am enjoying my kids, my husband, my sister, and my freedom. I have even planned a "date night" with my man tonight that he doesn't know aobut yet. I know he will be happy to have a night out with me before the baby gets here. If anything changes today, I will update. Otherwise I am going to take a nap and enjoy a night out with my husband.

40 weeks 3 days

Today was a good day. I went to my doctors appointment and had an ultrasound and non-stress test. The ultrasound was fun because I got see our little girl. I would much rather be holding her but at this point any look at her was great. She was not very cooperative with the sonographer. It was funny. Everytime the sonographer would try to measure her head she would turn it funny so she couldn't get a good picture. She is a very active little girl. Oh, I also had her check again to make sure it is a girl. I have been a little worried that maybe they were wrong and it would come out a boy. If that was the case we would have NOTHING for him because EVERYTHING is pink and purple. But, it was very evident that it is definitely a girl.

After the ultrasound I did a non-stress test. I just laid on the table and listened to her heart beat. It is very strong and very fast, about 149 bpm. There was no change in the dilation but that is really normal for the 4th baby. So we are still waiting. Dr. H did mention induction but doesn't think that it will be necessary. That really is my biggest fear about being late, but I know that the main thing is getting her out safe and sound, so if it comes to that I will just have to be alright with it.

After my appointment I spent the day with my sister. We took Aria to get shaved ice (a daily craving of mine) and went to a consignment shop. It was really beautiful so sitting outside eating shaved ice was great.

Last night, after dinner, Sis and I went for a 30 minute walk. It felt so good to get out and walk. I am going to start doing that everyday until the baby gets here. Hopefuly not much longer now.

40 weeks 2 days

Just wanted to update everyone. Things here are holding steady. Yesterday I had contractions all day that got progressively closer all day long until last night around 6 they were coming 5 minutes apart. We put several people on "alert" just in case. But, after the kids went to bed they started spacing out. I decided to go to sleep because I wanted to be rested if things picked up again. I was up several times last night with strong contractions that were about 10 minutes apart but this morning I they are spaced out again. It is very frustrating but I am determined to let her come when she is ready. My original due date was the 9th, so maybe technically I am not even late yet. Who knows? I brought Isabella home on Mother's Day 9 years ago, so maybe I will have the same blessing this year. Just please pray that Michael and I will be patient during this situation. Actually we need patience with the situation, the kids, and each other, since all of us are REALLY ready to meet the new addition to our family.

Update:
So today shaped up better than it started. I was depressed this morning so I called my girlfriend, Sarah. I went over to her house for a while. We made salsa and talked and laughed. It was a great distraction for me. After that I went home, straightened the house, and then went to pick up Bella. After I got the kids we went to Sonic, bought Bella some shoes, and then made it a chiropractor appointment. She did some procedures that hopefully will induce labor, so we will see. By the time we got home it was time to cook dinner and get the kids ready for bed. Now my sister is on her way over to spend the night. All-in-all it's been a pretty good day, even though I am officially the size of a beached whale.

Waiting...

Well, here it is, May 2nd, my due date and our little girl is obviously content. I mean why wouldn't she be? She is in a spa environment. She's in a hot tub, being fed, and although she can hear some noise, it is muffled. And almost daily now she is getting a foot massage. Who would want to leave that?

On the flip side though is a host of people who are anxiously awaiting her arrival. I have had everyone from family to the librarian asking me when we are going to get to meet her. Unfortunately, I do not know. You see, I am not an induction/c-section kind of girl (and have nothing against those who are). I was induced with Isabella on my due date and the experience was difficult on both of us to say the least. I had contractions that were so painful that I had to have a epidural (not a problem for some people but I personally wanted a unmedicated, natural birth experience). After the epidural, my labor slowed (which is common), and then Isabella went into distress. When she finally came out they wisked her away from me for almost an hour to suction her stomach and lungs to make sure she had not injested any meconium. I was terrified until I heard her first cry which was about 10 mintues after she was born.

So, needless to say, when we were blessed with Micah I wanted things to be different. So, I went totally natural with him. He came about 3 days early and the experience was just wonderful. Was it painful? Excruciatingly so, but it was so worth it. I felt so powerful and alive, like I had just conquered the world. I was immediately ready to do it again (I know, I have heard it a million time, I am crazy). Micah came out and I held him immediately. He didn't cry at all, until the took him away to clean him up.

After Micah, we vowed we were done. We had our girl and our boy. That was good enough for us. I family small enough to still fit into a 4 door sedan. Perfect. Obviously we had not heard the quote, "if you want to make God laugh, just tell him your plans." Because four years and two months later we brought Aria into the world. She came into this world just like Micah did and the experience was once again absolutley wonderful. A little more painful than I remembered from Micah, but still exactly the way I wanted it. And might I add that God apperently know what he is doing because she is such a perfect addition to our "not-so-little anymore" family. We could not imagine our family without her.

After Aria was born we had to get a minivan becasue we no longer could fit into a 4-door sedan. And can I just say, I love my minivan. I know that there are many people out there who do not like minivans but I love mine. Anyway, now here we are 4 years and 3 1/2 months later and we are waiting again for the new addition to our family. The waiting has been so much more difficult this time. Partly because Micah and Aria came the week before my due date and partly because the kids are very anxious for her to get here so they ask me everyday if she is going to coem out today. Even Michael has been somewhat impatient.

So today I rest in the shadow of the almighty and wait patiently for the Lord. Not an easy task, I must say.

On My Knees

You know, there are many difficult things in life. Some I have experienced and many I haven't. I have walked through the fires of depression, rejection, and overcome several major obstacles in my life. I have given birth three times (soon to be four), and two of those times has been without medication. (Yes, by choice. I am crazy, I know). But, out of everything I have ever been through, nothing has rocked my world like parenting. When I stepped into the world of motherhood almost 9 years ago, I had NO idea how much it would change me and challenge me on a regular basis. God has taught me so much through my children. He has used them to teach me about what love really is, and what it is not. He has taught me about how to forgive myself, my past, and other people. He has used them to teach me about how He is my Jevovah-Jireh (my Lord who Provides), because no one can really ever "afford" to have a child. He has shown me through them that He is my Jehovah-Rapha (my Lord who Heals), for there where hurts in my life from my childhood and decisions made as an adult that haunted me that were not healed until my children came along. He has shown me that control is an illusion and that He is the ONLY who deserves the name El Elyon (God Most High). I have become more patient, grace-filled, and merciful, but also more firm (which believe me, is a tough balance to find and even tougher to maintain).

And yet, as my children get older I am finding that I am being challenged on a whole new level. I am the steward (along with my husband) that God has entrusted with the job of shaping the heart and will of my children. Of course, I know that it is God who draws all men (and women) to Himself. But, we cannot deny the important role of a parent in a child's life. My children are now 8, 7, and 4, and we are constantly fighting the "battle of the wills". I want my children to obey-they on the other hand want to make their own choices. We have graduated from disciplining their behavior to training the heart's motive behind the behavior. It is requiring very intentional parenting on our parts, which is MUCH more time consuming. It requires wisdom and discernment, which only come from God Himself. I mean, there are times when my children insist that they were "only kidding" or "just playing" or "telling the truth" and I really don't know what the truth is or what the right answer is to "solve" the problem. The Bible says "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child" and "the heart is deceitful above all things and without cure". Only a personal relationship with God can "cure" the diseased heart. I get frustrated with the meanness, selfishness, uncontrolled anger, lying, stealing, lack of respect, and so on that come from my sweet children with such ease. And yet on the other hand, I see so much of that in my own heart and their behavior shines a very bright light on my own sin. How to do you discipline one of your children when you see so much of the same in yourself? It is ridiculous. I know it is my job and I take my job very seriously. So as I work on my children I am constantly reminded that I need to allow God to work on me.

Anyway, so I realized something recently that has put all of this into perspective for me. I didn't overcome depression-God did that. I didn't heal my fear of abandonment and rejection-God did that. I didn't overcome debilitating guilt-God did that. I didn't will myself to be more patient, merciful, and grace-filled-God did that. I don't come up with great ideas on how to deal with my children-God does that too. So, you may ask, what DO you do? I PRAY! I have decided that I will fight the battles that I can fight, and the rest of them I will fight on my knees. I can't do this, not on my own. Without God and the power of the Holy Spirit I will never succeed. Praise God that He has made a way for us to succeed.

If we are the body...

I met with a sweet friend this morning who is going through a divorce. She has been married for a long time but after years of trying to make the marriage work, they have just decided that it is over. They are both Christians but just have not been able to find a common ground that both of them can stand on. There has been some speculation about the reasons for divorce and whether or not it is biblical, and even they have struggled with the latter, but this is really not about the divorce. It is more about how we a the "body of Christ" are supposed to respond to this sort of thing. We have hundreds of people in our local churches that are hurting in ways that some of us can not imagine. There are people getting divorced, people addicted to alcohol and drugs, there are people addicted to pornography, sex, and food. There are people who are on the verge of suicide or even worse, families dealing with a family member who has taken their own life. The list of hurt can go on and on.

In the area of divorce, especially between two people who claim to be Christians, many people seem to struggle with how to be there for them. People speculate about the details behind the divorce, wonder WHO is a fault, and judge whether the divorce is "biblical". The person going through the divorce many times winds up feeling "outcasted" by the very family that has claimed to love them. I know many time people just don't know how to respond, so they don't. But, I would ask this question...how would we be there for someone who has lost a spouse or child to death? In many ways a divorce is no different. It is in essence a death. A death of a dream, a relationship, a future. It is painful and lonely and scary. At the point when the couple decides that divorce is the only viable option all the other questions really should become irrelevant. It is not our place to play judge on whether or not the divorce was biblical or who fault it is that it is happening. And on the point I would just like to say that in my own experience with marriage any problems that Michael and I have had in our marriage are usually as a result of both of us doing or not doing something. It is typically a collective effort between the two individuals. That being said, I know that this isn't the case in EVERY divorce, sometimes it is very cut and dry.

So, as the body of Christ, let us not shy away from hurting people. And if you think about soemone you know who is hurting, whether you know them well or not, say a little prayer for them. But don't stop there, drop them a note, call them, or go by and see them and let them know you were thinking about them and praying for them. You might be surprised by how few people have actually loved on them that day. And if we are the body then that is our greatest commandment...TO LOVE.

Oh, and before anyone gets mad and feels that I am being judgmental myself, let me assure you...I am preaching to the choir on this. I am not without fault when it comes to all of the things mentioned above. I have been very convicted lately to really LOVE people and I am trying to pray through what that means and what it looks like. I am still trying to figure that out.

Getting Close

Ok, so I haven't blogged in a long time, a really long time. I have thought about it many times but just have not had time to sit down and actually get it done. As most people who have children would agree, life during this phase of your family is very busy. And the more you have the busier you can get. I have been raising my own children, along with three other children for almost a year and a half now. The artist is 8 1/2, the athlete is 7, the diva is 4, and then I have a 2 year old, a 1 year old, and an 8 month old that I watch. Of course, to make things even crazier I am also 7 months pregnant. Most days I love it, but at the end of the day I am exhausted. Most people have the same two questions: Was this 4th baby planned? And will I continue to keep kids after the baby gets here?

The answer to the first question is yes and no. This baby was not planned by me and my husband, but she is most certainly planned by God. Our initial reaction to the news was shock. I would be lying if I said that we were excited when we first found out. Our lives had hit a new level, our family was to a point that traveling was easier and fun. We were out of the diaper and nap stage and relatively happy about it. Oh sure, I would get baby fever every now and then, and then as quick as it would hit, it would leave. Our newfound freedom was nice and it took some time to grieve that loss and embrace the idea of starting over again. Now, 7 months later we are excited at the prospect of having another entity in our home. We are getting excited about what she is going to look like and what kind of personality she will have. We are praying for an easy baby, but if we don't get that then God's grace will be sufficient.

The answer to the second question is a little more fuzzy as I have not quite decided what I am going to do. I know that I am going to take the summer off but after that I am not really sure. What I do want is to focus on getting to know our new baby and helping the entire family adjust to her presence in our home. So, what fall holds, I don't know, but if I do start watching children again it won't be 3 of them, that's for sure.

So, with 10 weeks left until our baby girl arrives, I thought I would try to start blogging again. Facebook is great and all, but it is impossible to tell stories on them. So, keep checking back because I have a list of topics that I want to write about.

Make HIM famous today!!

This morning I was in the living room my little man and we were watching videos of Matt Pitt preaching at The Basement. I told Micah that I really hope that there are ministries around like this when he and his sisters are teenagers. Micah looks at me and says, "Wow, Mom, Jesus is really famous." I said, "You're right Micah, He is very famous. But, you know what? It is OUR responsibility to make Him famous." I love these conversations with my kids!!!

Just like the media exposure makes people famous, we are God's media exposure. WE are His PR people. Make Him famous today!!!!

Glimmers of Hope

This past week was a very difficult week. The daily battles of parenting have weighed heavy on me this week as I have witnessed behavior from my children that is the antithesis of what we teach at home. Mind you, all normal behavior for fallen human beings, but disturbing none the less. It was one of those weeks that I wondered if my children were getting ANY of the Christian values that we are teaching at home and whether or not they making a difference. We have entered into a new realm of parenting where with the older two where we are no longer trying to just correct behavior but also shining light on behavior that comes from sinful hearts. This, for me and many other people I know, is very difficult because while I want my children to understand what the Bible says about their human depravity, I also don't want them to grow up in a legalistic home where they are "Lorded" over with the Bible. There have been a lot of instances this week where I have been called mean and unfair, which I know comes with the territory of parenting. In trying to teach my children about their human depravity and need for a Savior every day of their lives, I am constantly reminded of my own depravity. I yell at them and find myself sitting camped out on their level and then not only asking for God's forgiveness but my children's forgiveness also. I have heard many times this week, "I just can't...be kind, hold my tongue, control my temper, get this scowl off my face"...whatever the case may be. And they are right, THEY can't. I am trying to teach them that in some cases, they will be successful on their own, but in many more cases they will have to pray and ask God for his strength and then be obedient to what they know is right, whether they feel like it or not.

Anyway, so after a difficult week, with a lot of time-outs spent in their rooms and several spankings, I saw a glimmer of hope that I might just be doing something right.

This morning on the way to church and then back home again Isabella was having a VERY difficult time saying anything nice to anyone, especially her little brother. She seemed determined to drive him into madness. We call that around here, "spewing your venom" and she was definitely doing just that. I did what any parent would do and I told her if she kept it up she was going to find herself in her room until her aunt's birthday party. She didn't stop so she had to go to her room when we got home.

The firs thing that surprised me was that when we got home I didn't have to tell he again to go to her room, she went on her own. After a few minutes I went into her room and sat down on her bed. Here is the conversation.

Me: "Isabella, I first want to tell you thank you for going to your room and not arguing with me."
Isabella: "Mom, I am sorry. I don't deserve to watch Nim's Island (which I was also contemplating as a consequence).
Me: You're right, you don't. But, because you admitted that you were wrong and obeyed me by going to your room, I am going to extend grace to you and let you watch Nim's Island."
Isabella: "Thank you, Mom. I love you."

WOW!! I was floored because that has NEVER happened before. I know, I know, It's not over yet, not by a long shot. But, at least there is hope.

How about a knuckle sandwich?

This morning as the kids were eating breakfast I was discussing what they wanted for snack. Isabella was being her normal "picky" self declining everything I offered her for snack. Finally she decided on strawberries. I asked if she wanted anything to go with them, since strawberries burn off pretty fast. She was thinking...

On the other side of the table was Micah, eating quietly, having not said anything since waking up. And while she was thinking and everything was silent he just as straight-faced as he could be he said,

"How about strawberries and a knuckle sandwich? That should hold you off until lunch."

Needless to say, the tension was broken and I spent the next few minutes laughing, as did everyone else.

Beautiful Girl

Guypalooza 2009

Last Friday afternoon Michael went camping with several of the guys from his Tuesday morning bible study group. These men are such an answer to prayer for both of us. Michael got his appetite wet when he started to become friends with some guys in Texas but then we moved to "hell-frozen-over", I mean, Illinois. He started meeting with this group of men and they have been studying the book by Mark Batterson called Chasing a Lion On A Snowy Day, hence the saying on the side of the SUV.

I am so thankful for God and His work in my man's life and I am so thankful for the men that God has brought into his life.

You chase those lions, boys!!!!

alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316441083792415090" />

A Glorious Day

Last summer Isabella started asking about being baptized. We did not enter into this decision lightly because she is still so young but after alot of prayer and discussion we decided that it was time. I worried more about what it would do to her for us to tell her that she is not old enough to understand what she is doing than I did about her being so young.

It was a wonderful day for all of us and Isabella did amazing. I felt like I was going to throw up all morning, the way I feel when I am going to sing a solo. It also was really cool because the pastor that married me and Michael almost 10 years ago also got to baptize our first born. Such a special moment. And thanks to some wonderful friends we now have this video of the baptism to watch and share.